


The Asset and Him

by sleepissafety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky and the Asset as two separate entities, M/M, Not entirely compliant with the movies, Poor Bucky, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Winter Soldier as their collective identity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3547415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepissafety/pseuds/sleepissafety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since the first time the Asset woke in a body with one flesh arm and one metal, it has shared the space with another. The original occupant of this body--<i>him</i>--is more welcoming than it could ever suppose of someone who is forced to share what should have never been taken. As they bond through the decades under HYDRA's direction and the retold memories of his past, it learns more about itself along the way.</p><p>Since the first time he woke in a body with one flesh arm and one metal, he has shared the space with another. Although he is the original occupant of this body, he welcomes his new companion into a space he should never have had to share. As they bond through the decades under HYDRA's control and the recalled memories of his past, he learns more about himself along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fate

**Author's Note:**

> My first dip into the amazing world that is Marvel and Stucky fan fic. I hope I can do it justice.
> 
>  **About this fic:**  
>  -Bucky and the Asset are two separate entities--the Winter Soldier is their collective identity  
> -though Bucky retains his mental presence, he allows the Asset to physically control his body  
> -takes place between Cap1 and Cap2--Stucky without Steve being physically present  
> -each chapter has two parts:  
> -part one: "he" explains something to the Asset through his memories of Steve (the Asset's POV)  
> -part two: Bucky has an imagined dialogue with Steve related to his conversation with the Asset in part one (Bucky's POV)  
> -note: the Asset refers to itself as "it" and Bucky as "him"--it tends not to use gendered pronouns for anyone else, including Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one: It questions the meaning of "fate". 
> 
> Part two: Bucky questions the meaning of his fate.

They have been stored together in this body for thirty-one years—at least, that is what _he_ says. But he has always been honest, or as honest as someone can be, it supposes, when they are not in control of their own fate.

 _Fate_ , the Asset repeats. _I do not comprehend. What is ‘fate’? Who thought of ‘fate’? I did not. Did you?_

“Fate,” he speaks softly. He always speaks softly at first and the Asset must hurry to mute its thoughts so it can listen. “Fate is your destiny—where you will eventually go, what you will eventually do…how you will eventually end.” 

It does not understand why his explanations are almost always second person, as if the inhuman is worthy to have human qualities attributed to it. But it remains silent. It does not know why.

“Maybe it’s something that eventually happens _to_ you. Fate is unavoidable, inevitable. It is predetermined. Some argue it’s already been decided at birth, while others say it’s influenced by choice.” He hums, a sound the Asset has never made though feels a phantom vibration in its throat. “I feel like the whole choice thing kinda cancels out the whole predetermined thing, but you get the gist, right?”

 _No. I do not comprehend._ The Asset knows he will continue talking—“teaching,” he calls it—until his explanation is assessed satisfactory. It does not know why.

He laughs, a sound the Asset thinks it finds “pleasant”—wonders if it is using the word correctly—though it knows itself incapable of such qualities. It does not matter what the Asset _thinks._ It certainly does not _feel_. “No, it’s okay.” It hears the smile in his tone.

(Its handlers emphasize “maintaining shelter of sufficient protection of the Asset during interim before: a) appearance of intended target(s) in assigned location at mission initiation, and b) arrival of the Asset Retrieval Team in assigned location at mission completion, and also liability minimization of the Asset during mission procession, ensuring the quality of HYDRA’s leading stealth operative”. 

Its handlers do not know that in thirty-one years the Asset has never assessed a shelter more sufficiently protective than the sound of his voice.

Its handlers do not know about the voice. Its handlers do not know it is not alone in this body. Its handlers do not know he exists.)

“I had a hard time understanding at first, too.” He sighs, a sigh the Asset knows well—though it is another sound it has never made—knows very well, knows what follows. “If Stevie were here…Steve’d tell you.” _Steve_. “Punk was always better with the abstract concepts. Read too much philosophy, if you ask me.”

 _Steve._ Steve was someone he knew before the Asset was implanted, when he was the only one inside this body. Although he speaks often to it about Steve—more often than anything else—it finds difficulty in relaying the information in its own words.

“Steve was…” He always speaks softly at first. The Asset thinks he finds difficulty in using his own words sometimes, too. “Steve could’ve explained. Steve could’ve helped you understand.”

(Its handlers present a file twenty-nine days after implantation. The file details the presumed death of United States Army Captain Steven Grant Rogers, alias “Captain America”.

The Asset does not understand why it is given this information. 

More so, it does not understand the mental tug pulling its eyes back to the text, the images, does not understand the strangeness of unfamiliar becoming familiar each time it reaches the end of the file.

It will never forget the final picture it sees: two figures, two smiles, two hands intertwined, a double dose of intimacy—the Asset does not think it should know this word—that hits it like a train. Train? Scrawled on the back is _Me and Steve, 1936_.

 _Steve,_ it hears softly in its mind. It freezes, drops the file. _Steve, Steve, Steve…_

It is certain it did not think this thought. 

_Steve,_ it hears even softer than before.

It is certain the thought belongs to someone else. 

_Steve,_ it hears so softly that it could be only an echo.

Its handlers think it is the only presence in this body. Its handlers presented it with the file to gauge its reaction, to test whether “he” still exists. Its handlers assume it dropped the file because the arm is not properly calibrated. It remains silent. It does not know why. It wonders why the voice has stopped.

The voice does not speak again for six years and two days, six years and one day after the Asset finds out the “Me” in the photograph is the face it now wears. 

It does not know why.)

“Stevie…”

Its handlers do not know about the voice. 

Its handlers do not know it is not alone in this body. 

Its handlers do not know he _still_ exists.

Its handlers do not know many things. 

It remains silent. It does not know why.

* * *

“Figures Captain America’s fate would be a heroic death. ‘I’m gonna save the world by crashing this plane into a field of ice. Yeah, sounds like a great way to go!’”

“Is that so?”

“Once a punk, always a punk.”

“Jerk.”

“But I’m _your_ jerk. What, not gonna talk now? That’s not the punk I know.”

“I…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sor—”

“Don’t you dare, Rogers. Just don’t.”

“But—”

“Don’t give me some shit like ‘sorry I didn’t reach you in time’ or ‘sorry I put you on that train’. Don’t. None of this was your fault and don’t you dare twist it around to make it seem that way. All of this? The train? HYDRA taking me? These years of pain? Not your fault. Repeat it, Rogers. Not. My. Fault.”

“N—Not my fault…”

“Exactly. I wouldn’t change a thing about our time together, except if only to make it longer. Perhaps my fate was always to fall that day. If that’s true, I have only a single regret.”

“What’s that?”

“That it was you who saw me fall. That the guilt fell on you. The guilt should’ve been on HYDRA but it’s hard to believe any of these men are capable of feeling anything. Leave it to you, Mr. Hero, to take up a burden that isn’t yours to take.”

“Should’ve been you _and_ Peggy there with me on the radio when I went down.”

“No.”

“No?”

“You know damn well I would’ve been right there next to you on that plane. I’m disappointed, Rogers. Thought you knew me better. Best friends, remember? Sheesh.”

“Of course. I’m sorry.”

“And I accept your apology, punk. Now will you forgive me if I say that I’m sorry I wasn’t there to hold your hand at the end? Would’ve done it, you know. Should’ve done it sooner.”

“Would’ve kissed you. Should’ve done it sooner.”

“Whoa, Rogers! Not even gonna take me out first?”

“Yeah, one-way trip to the Arctic. Best first date ever. You in?”

“With that little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight? Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“It’s a date. Don’t forget to bring a coat. Can’t have my guy getting cold.”

“Very funny, Rogers. But I’m planning the second one. Got it all figured out already.”

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

“Flying lessons. Specifically, landing lessons. No more crashing giant hunks of metal, even if they belong to the enemy. Flying lessons with your guy. You in?”

“Don’t forget a cube that could destroy the entire world on board. And a good luck kiss.”

“We’ll figure something out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note about part 2: Creative liberties taken in assuming Bucky knows Peggy was "with" Steve on the plane. She probably didn't mention it in an interview or anything-- way too personal. S.H.I.E.L.D. secret file maybe? I don't know. It could also be that Bucky's imagination just happened to imagine correctly. They are best friends, after all.
> 
> Author notes:  
> I don't know yet how long this will go, but I'm expecting ~20,000 words.  
> Chapters will average ~1,000 words.  
> Rating might increase with later chapters. Tags will be added as needed.
> 
> Feedback appreciated! You can also find me on Tumblr under the same name. I've been reblogging a lot of Marvel lately.


	2. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one: While preparing for their first mission, "he" explains to the Asset who the real monster is.
> 
> Part two: Bucky reminds Steve who the monster isn't.
> 
> (Alternatively titled: Hydra or HYDRA)
> 
> **Important warning in beginning note.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been having a bit of writer's block for this chapter. I was able to write a few future parts (including the ending, I think), but it was all far too developed in the plot to use this early. I was finally inspired to crank this out by watching some Cap2 clips and browsing the [MCU Wiki](http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_Wiki) (a great site, by the way, for anyone looking for movieverse canon info for fics or art or just out of curiosity).
> 
> **Warning: non-graphic mentions of murder, including children**

The Winter Soldier’s first mission is the assassination of an enemy of HYDRA.

The Asset memorizes the file, is not allowed to carry any documentation while in service.

_Target: Claude Jacques Moreau. Age: 54. Country: French Republic. Occupation: Minister of State_

An image is attached. A single figure, top of head, cut off at waist. Gray hair, short. Dark eyes. Glasses, no rims. One ear sticks out more than the other. Faint scar through right eyebrow. Smile. Dark clothing. Appears tall.

_Secondary targets: Camille (24, daughter), Louis (19, son), Victor (16, son), Anne-Sophie (10, daughter)_

The Asset memorizes the file, is not allowed to carry any documentation while in service, is only allowed the knives and firearms with which it has trained for the past year in preparation for its introduction into HYDRA’s active service.

_Address: 3255—_

“More children,” he speaks softly. He always speaks softly at first. “I don’t understand why they always go after the children. ”

 _More? Always?_ the Asset repeats. _I do not comprehend. This is the Winter Soldier’s first mission. No pattern has yet been established._

“The youngest is ten. _Ten_. What could a ten-year-old possibly have done to you people? Monsters!”

 _Monster? Me? I do not comprehend._

“Not you,” he says, abrupt, like he is holding something back. “ _Them._ HYDRA.”

_You told me monsters were enemies, _bad_. HYDRA is—_

“HYDRA _is_ the enemy. Don’t ever forget that. HYDRA is full of monsters, bad people, rotten to the core. HYDRA is _the_ monster.”

_I do not comprehend._

“We have time before they come to retrieve the Winter Soldier. At least fifteen minutes, maybe twenty…the location is close.” He exhales and the Asset tries to ignore the phantom feeling of breath against its neck. “May I tell you a story? It’s one of Steve’s.”

The Asset nods, once. _Yes,_ it says, in case he needs verbal confirmation. 

(Regardless of his question, regardless of what an affirmation would entail, the Asset has always agreed. No one else allows the Asset permissions, _choices_ to accept or deny, the cravings it cannot skirt no matter how many times it is faced with the reality it is not human, does not require human expression to perform its duties. It certainly does not deserve it.

“Free will. _Life._ A human right. It is not about _deserving_ it, like it has to be _earned_. By just existing, you deserve it,” he says, as if it is that simple.

It does not comprehend. But it remains silent. It does not know why.)

“Steve told me this story way back when we were kids. I liked mythology, stories filled with humans that turned into gods, gods that turned into humans, creatures that defied the imagination. Punk wasn’t too interested…but always loved books and loved being able to tell me all about what was in ‘em even more.”

_I think…I think it sounds similar to the way you seem to enjoy explaining things to me._

He snorts. “Yeah, guess it kinda is. Hope you don’t think I’m trying to project Stevie onto you or anything.”

 _I do not,_ the Asset responds, although it does not entirely understand the remark.

“That’s good. So this story’s about the mythical monster of the seas—the Hydra.”

_HYDRA is not—_

“No. This is a different one.”

_Another HYDRA?_

“Kinda…HYDRA took its name from a real monster. Well, I don’t know if ‘real’ is the right word—it’s impossible to prove if it exists, ever existed, but its tale has been told for thousands of years. The Hydra was a monster of Greek mythology. It was a wicked thing—looked like a giant snake, lived in the water, but worst of all…it had a _ton_ of heads.”

_Heads? More than one?_

“Yeah. A ton. Poisonous breath, too—all of ‘em. Probably sharp teeth, too, but what’s the point if it already got you with toxic fumes?” He laughs. “But that’s not all.”

_It is not?_

“Nope. Remember how I said the heads were the worst? Well, if you tried to cut one off, it would grow back.” He pauses. “But with a partner.”

_Two heads?_

“You got it. Cut one off and two grow back. Near impossible to slay. Kind of like the HYDRA we’ve got now.”

_A monster?_

“Yeah. A good thing then, too, that it probably didn’t exist. Don’t know what we’d do if there were _two_ slithering around.”

 _But what if the one from mythology_ is _real?_

“Well, its story _also_ tells us that it was indeed eventually killed. Thankful for us, while mythology is filled with monsters—some even worse than the Hydra, remind me to tell you about Scylla and Charybdis one day—it is also filled with heroes to fight them. That’s how I know this HYDRA’s going to fall, too, sooner or later.”

 _If HYDRA is_ your _enemy then are you a hero?_

He laughs again, but this one sounds empty. It makes the Asset tense up, like when it senses someone trying to sneak up behind it during training. “Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. I don’t think anyone would. But I appreciate the compliment.”

_I do not comprehend. If HYDRA is the monster and you are against HYDRA, you are against the monster. Monsters are bad. HYDRA is bad. You are against monsters and bad. You are the hero. Correct?_

He laughs again, more like the first one. The Asset is no longer stiff, is able to easily bend down to tighten the laces of its right boot. “Definitely not _the_ hero. _A_ hero, maybe. Can’t do this by myself.”

 _I will help you._ It does not understand why it says this. _I am not Steve, but I will help you._

He smiles. The Asset can feel it. “You—”

The Asset does not know what he was going to say. He goes silent when its handlers arrive, as always. He has never spoken in their presence.

It also remains silent. It does not know why.

***

The Winter Soldier’s first mission is unsuccessful.

Targets identified: 5. Targets neutralized: 4.

The numbers are not equal.

(Shot one. Hit. 

Shot two. Hit. 

Shot three. Hit. 

Shot four. Hit. 

Shot five. H—

“Stop!”)

“It’s my fault. I’m sorry. I couldn’t let that happen. Just a child, just a child…”

_I do not comprehend._

“They’re going to do a wipe. They have to. The mission is compromised. The Winter Soldier is compromised. It’s happened before. They always wipe. They _have_ to.”

_Before? Always? I do not comprehend. This is the Winter Soldier’s first mission. No pattern has yet been established._

“It’s not. It’s not. They wipe so you don’t remember. Been doing this for forty-seven years. Forty-seven _years_. This isn’t the first time. It’s never the first time. They wipe so you think it is. You always think it is. You won’t remember this time either. A wipe. They _have_ to. You won’t even remember me telling you this. I…I won’t either. Not the first time, not the first time, not the first—”

_I do not comprehend. The Winter Soldier requires more training. The Winter Soldier’s first mission was unsuccessful._

“I’m sorry…” His voice fades into silence.

_‘I’m sorry’? I do not comprehend._

(The Winter Soldier’s first mission is the assassination of an enemy of HYDRA.

The Asset memorizes the file, is not allowed to carry any documentation while in service.

_Target: Robert David Barrish. Age: 49. Country: ~~United States of America~~ French Republic. Occupation: Senior diplomat_

The Asset steps inside the house, quiet, dark.

Kitchen. Negative.

Living room. Negative.

Dining room. Neg—

A stack of paper on the table. A newspaper. A heading, bold, black.

MINISTER MOREAU, FAMILY MURDERED IN HOME—POSSIBLE SOLE SURVIVIOR, 10, MISSING

The Asset cannot move. It feels an indescribable heaviness in its chest.

_Are you…crying?_

“Y—Yes.”

It does not comprehend. But it remains silent. It does not know why.)

* * *

“Remember telling me the story of the Hydra?”

“Yeah. Nasty thing. Too many heads.”

“Ever wonder what it’d be like if something like that was roaming around now?”

“Didn’t Heracles kill it?”

“Yeah, think so.”

“Proper divine hero, that one.”

“You kinda remind me of Heracles, you know.”

“A half-human, half-god? You saying I’m only half-human? Thanks.”

“Was talking about the hero part, punk. And being half-god don’t really seem like a bad thing. But you _do_ sorta look like something carved from marble.”

“The Serum’ll do that to people.”

“Even before, though. Always thought you were handsome.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Serious. Could’ve sprouted another head and I still would’ve felt that way.”

“I was a freak of nature before and a different kind of freak of nature after. At least the two heads would’ve reflected outside what I felt inside sometimes.”

“Hey, now don’t go talking about my guy like that. Might have to beat someone up.”

“Who? Me?”

“Yeah, you can take it. Especially now. But I’ll be nice and only use my real arm—don’t wanna go bruising your ego or anything.”

“Don’t need you fighting my battles, especially the ones in my own head.”

“Not about what you _need_ , Rogers. It’s about me doing nice things for the person I love. Maybe that’s what _I_ need. Gonna let me be a little selfish?”

“Still—”

“Still, nothing. Wouldn’t treat you any different at ninety pounds than at two-hundred and twenty…and if I did, it wasn’t meant to make you feel bad. You’re my guy. Always.”

“So you didn’t think of me after as some kinda monster?”

“After? Ha! _Way_ before that, Rogers, you were a bit of a horror. Serum didn’t change as much as you think.”

“Excuse me?”

“You remember yourself back in our apartment during the times I had to wake you up before you were ready? Used to growl and scratch. Curses I didn’t even know you knew. Pretty sure you bit me once or twice. And not in the sexy way, mind you. Thought I might like to take a crack at waking up the Hydra—might’ve been a little less dangerous.”

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

“My guy, though?”

“Your guy. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (No, you don't want to know what happened to Anne-Sophie. Let's just say a quick death at the hands of the Winter Soldier would have been merciful.)
> 
> Being a great lover of Greek mythology, I knew I had to have Bucky address the connection between HYDRA and the Hydra. Although, for some reason, I kept thinking of the Hydra battle in the first Percy Jackson movie...


End file.
